You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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