Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
