you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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