Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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