We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
