Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
