Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You ruined the universe
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