I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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