I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
