so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So squirting runs in the family.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
