P.S. I can't hear my feet
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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