just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
