He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
