i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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