My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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