so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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