I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
