i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
