Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
