worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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