I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
