the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
