So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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