How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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