Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
