We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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