it wasn't lemon gatorade
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
