Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
