ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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