omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
