I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
