rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
