your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
