Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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