I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
