I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
