You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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