Dude my mom stole all your condoms
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
