I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
