if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
