I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
