went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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