You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
