I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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