the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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