its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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