I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
