i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
