it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
