You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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