Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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