i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
