OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
