So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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