I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
