I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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