making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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